I have pondered a lot about what it is this week that I wanted to say. When Stacy asked me to be apart of this blog, she wanted my thoughts and inspiration of how I have gotten through some tough times in my life and still keep finding beauty.
In the middle of hard times it never is easy, and most the time you never can see an end in sight..let alone find beauty. In those down times is where you will grow if you allow yourself.
I was in a loveless marriage, followed by a not so pleasant divorce that left me with two children that I now had to support. I didn't have a college degree. I didn't have a career, and I sure as heck didn't have a high paying job that would make being a single mom a breeze financially. I however was very lucky that I had a few talents to help support myself and kids. I remember the over whelming feeling of fear that surrounded me as I looked for a place for us to live. Could I really do this? Could I really take care of a family in this way. I was just a stay at home mom. And when I say, "just a stay at home mom" I mean all I had to worry about was taking care of my kids the way I liked. Now I was faced with doing it all. The first night in our little condo alone, I cried. I cried hard. I was terrified. I laid down on my bed and then it hit me. I for the first time in my adult life was really in charge of my own destiny. I could just be...me. I out stretched my arms, threw my legs in that air and laughed. I felt free.
That feeling of freedom for myself, is what drove me. It pushed me to stand on my own and be ok. Yes, there were many many low days. Many days that I didn't see how I was going to make it. But still, it was better than where I used to be. I learned so many things about myself that before I would have never allowed myself to find. I started carrying about my health. I started exercising. I even ran a 10K, which was a huge accomplishment for me. I went to cross fit and feel in love with the challenge. I felt not only mentally good, but physically strong. There is something about liking who you are. And once you start really making the changes it becomes easier. I tried new things. I went sky diving and even got certified. I jumped out of planes by myself! It was amazing! I went hiking, mountain biking, and LIVED LIFE. I didn't hold myself back anymore.
Living life how I wanted set me up to find who I was, what I wanted, and where I wanted to go. It also put me in the path to find my husband. We both shared similar goals, and had the same go live life attitude. If I would have allowed my divorce to ruin me, I wouldn't have found the man of my dreams or the happiness that I have now.
I ask you to write down three things and honesty answer them.
1. What do you want?
2. Where do you want to be?
3. Who are you?
Now when you answer, answer honestly. Answer without reservation or hesitation. Don't allow your mind to take control of your answers. This will allow you to answer from your heart. Our minds can become our worst enemies sometimes. It can silence our desires, defeating us before we even begin.
One thing my husband always says to me is, "How do you eat a whale? One bite at a time." It's a silly analogy but it is so true. Health, parenting, living our goals is not a one day challenge you concur. It is a lifetime journey we set out on. And one day at a time, little by little we get to a place that we stop and say, "I did it. I reached where I wanted to be." Then you keep going.
I hope this week you will refocus yourself to see. See you. See all of you. That if you slip up, don't get the number you wanted on your step counter, didn't eat as well as you would have liked, or didn't improve...there is always tomorrow. Wake up and refocus your efforts.
But, most of all be kind to yourself. Know that you are brave. Everyday whether you want to be or not, be brave. Beauty shines from you whether you see it or not. Success is never a guarantee, it's made by your efforts. And some days we lose and other days we strike it big. Whichever one it is...know that life always works its self out. Give patience to yourself. Patience to know that life never stays the same. It is always changing. You are doing a good job, well to be exact. Don't let the little things become the big things. Don't hide any part of you because it isn't perfect. You are not perfect, you are human. And good humans recognize that. Let yourself see it too.
Shine on friends...xoxo ~V
PS: I apologize for this hitting the blog so late. It has been one of those weeks where my little baby is teething and not a lot has gotten done. Frustrating at times, but I got to spend extra time holding and snuggling him. And for that, I will give myself a pass.
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